Hawktalon - RC Warrior

[hawky]

Name: Hawktalon
Gender: Tom
Age: 22 Moons
Clan: RiverClan
Rank: Warrior

Apprentice: None
Love Interest: None
Kin: None
Personality: He used to be happy-go-lucky and as friendly as any other warrior until he lost his mate. Now he is bitter and focuses only on being the best he can for his clan, as he blames what happened on him being a traitor to his clan.
History: He had a mate from ThunderClan when he was "young and foolish", but one night while they were meeting up, they were attacked by a dog during a storm. It was terrible to say the least. While Hawktalon attacked and scared the dog away, his mate was crushed by a tree that had been struck by lightning and fallen. Hawktalon has been bitter and loveless ever since, even if he's the only one that knows why. He dreams about her a lot.

Roleplay Example: Hawkstar, who'd been silent for this whole little debate finally cleared his throat to get a word in.
"I see no way knocking it off the gorge would fail, the only thing we've ever heard of survive a trip down the gorge is me, and that's only because I had my nine lives to bargain with."
He ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth as if he'd just eaten some fresh kill, "I mean really Applestar, I mean no offence, but 'what if it's a good swimmer?' not even the finest of RiverClan warriors could swim on the jagged rocks at the bottom of the gorge.
And I see both yours and Swiftfur's argument, and it is most likely the best thing to fight it till it dies, but what both of are debating with is that we'll lose less cat's that way, which you should know very well will not be the case."
"Even with all four clans working together we're bound to lose a lot of cat's fighting something of this caliber."

Blackstar raised his ears in amusement, then dipped his head.
"So it's agreed?" He meowed, "We fight on the Thunderpath, with ShadowClan and RiverClan on my territory and ThunderClan and WindClan on the other side of the Thunderpath, Ashstar's territory. This seems like the place we can fight this thing."
(My post from another site I RP at)

[kitty]

Hello, Hawky. Welcome to LU. 83 I'm Kitty, leader of RiverClan.

This isn't too bad for your first bio. However, you have no description. Please stick to the character form and add in a description of your cat. It must be at least 100 words long, although more would be loved.

Your personality section is short. You only have about half of the required amount of words. Again, you need at least 100 words, although more than that if you can manage it would be preferred.

Same for history. For warriors you need at least 300 words. If you need help expanding on it, try adding in something from his kithood or apprenticeship. You don't mention those anywhere. Surely something more happened in his life than meeting that she-cat.

Like I said, its not bad for your first bio. Just expand on it and it'll be good to go.