Splashkit -- Tom -- RiverClan

[leafy]

Name: Splashkit

Gender: Tom

Age: 4 Moons

Clan: RiverClan

Rank: Kit

Kin:

Mother - Specklestorm (40 Moons) (Mystic)
Father - Stormheart (38 Moons) (NPC)

Brothers:

• Finchnose (12 moons) (Mystic)
  
• Clamfang (12 moons) (NPC)
  
• Puddlekit (4 Moons) (UFA)
  

Sisters:

• Minnowstream (12 moons) (NPC)
  
• Smudgewhisker (12 moons) (NPC)
  
• Rainkit (4 Moons) (Ambie)
  

Description: Splashkit is a rather good-looking white tom with dark grey patches on his pelt. The best feature about him are his eyes. They are a stunning pale green color with a hint of blue mixed into him. Splashkit is also slightly small build than most cats his age. Oddly enough though, even for a kit, his pelt very silky and soft.

Personality: Splashkit has a sensitive heart. He has always really good-natured, but not very smart. He always seems to be dosing off randomly and is kinda ditsy. He don't talk much often whimpers or mumbles to himself, but when he does he speaks only with kindness. He often gets taken advantage of because of this. Out of his whole family, Splashkit is misunderstood and mistreated the most and is picked on by his older brother, Puddlekit. He is kinda close to Rainkit, but its not that good a relationship. Besides his minor setback, he always tries his very best at the tasks given to him.

History: Splashkit was born to a half RiverClan she-cat names Specklestorm and Loyal RiverClan tom name Stormheart roughly 4 moons ago. He has 4 older siblings from his previous litter, who generally stay away from him. He is the youngest of his litter. One of the kits was a stillborn and the other died only a few moments after birth. His other two litter mates are Puddlekit, who enjoys picking on him and Rainkit, she was the runt. Life in the Nursery has been kinda tough for Splashkit, because he isn't like normal kits. Splashkit loves many types of flowers that grow in RiverClan camp. He think flower are one of the best things in the world.

Other: I adopted him from Mystic. ^^

Roleplay Example:

A bright light fluttered into the nursery indicating that dawn was here, Splashkit's light green eyes slowly began to open. He yawned and rolled over onto his back bumping into Rainkit. "Sorry." He told Rainkit quietly then he squeaked happily to himself. He looked over at Specklestorm and purred. "I wanna go outside." He mumbled to his pretty mother. Out of all his family, Splashkit believed she loved him the most.

Without waiting for her answer, Splashkit squeezed out o the nursery. "Now its time to find my flowers." He purred as he raced across the camp cleaning to a flower bed of Lillie's. His eyes grew round with excitement when he saw how fast they had grown since last moon. Lillie's were one of his favorite flowers in RiverClan. He favorite thing about them was how wonderfully they smelled. "I will always love my Lily flowers."

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[Amber]

It all looks fine and dandy, but I would really like the description to be a little bit longer if you can manage. Just a few more sentences, if you don't mind.

And in the history some of your sentences seem a little choppy, and it isn't flowing too well with me. The personality is choppy in some places, but the history just seems....a bit rushed in a way. It just seems like you threw a bunch of words together that make sense, but aren't flowing well together.